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Patrick The Criminal! (Spongebob Squarepants Fanfiction)
Patrick The Criminal! (May 3, 2018) - Synopsis Patrick is put under a house arrest by Squidward and he needs to find a way out without detection. Characters Patrick Star Squidward Tentacles Spongebob Squarepants Kids Eugene H. Krabs (cameo) The Story The story begins inside Patrick’s rock. He vigorously searches for something in his closet. PATRICK: Come on! It’s gotta be around here somewhere! After throwing out a couple of bowling pins, Spongebob’s Diary & some silly string, Patrick finally finds what he was looking for………. a rock. PATRICK: There it is! Patrick then lifts the cushions of his couch and takes out a music record called “THE MUSIC OF SUPERFLUOUS STUPIDITY.” Patrick carries this record and the rock. PATRICK: This is gonna be epic! Patrick gets a tequito out of his fridge and puts it into his oven. He then inserts the record into the record player. Squidward sits in his gallery about to finish up a self-portrait of his happy face made entirely of pointillism. SQUIDWARD: Self-Portrait #10,963, you are very! Patrick’s record begins blasting loud & heinous music. As Patrick prances around in his big rock while holding the small rock, Squidward gets startled by the loud music and ruins his last dot turning it and several others into an ugly smudge. SQUIDWARD: Noooooooooo! No! No! Nooo! Squidward then slams his paintbrush to the floor angrily. SQUIDWARD: PATRICK!!! Squidward gets up to go pummel Patrick. The loud music causes his house to begin bouncing & shaking. SQUIDWARD: Woah! After being sent into some paint cans & into his 64 page opus about the art of octopi, Squidward tumbles down his staircase with a shrill scream. Patrick shakes his butt while continuing to peacefully prance around with the rock. Squidward tumbles into his living room. After getting up, he slips on a discarded ice cube and slams into his vintage 1980’s radio. Patrick french kisses his rock and makes romantic comments to it. Squidward manages to exit his house. The music causes muddy sludge in Squid’s rain gutters to pour right on top on him. Patrick slow dances with the rock & then begins tap dancing with it. Squidward finishes cleaning the sludge off of him with his garden hose and has finally had it. Before Patrick could do the closing dance, Squidward arrives. SQUIDWARD: Patrick! Squid tries to enter the rock but bumps into plastic wrap blocking the doorway. After tearing it down with his hands, Squid takes Patrick’s record and snaps it in half. SQUIDWARD: ENOUGH!!!!! PATRICK: Oh hey Squidward! I was dancing! SQUIDWARD: With a rock?! PATRICK: Yeah! It sure makes a great partner! Squidward facepalms and then screams in a fit of extreme stress. Patrick is shocked and then says about his breath PATRICK: You want some toothpaste? I got a tub in my medicine cabinet. SQUIDWARD: NO!!! I have had it with you! I have had it with Spongebob! You’re lucky he is in Alcopulco! Spongebob relaxes in a lawn chair on one of Alcopulco’s vast beaches. He sips on some coconut juice, puts his sunglasses on and lounges back. SPONGEBOB: Livin’ the dream! Back at Pat’s rock. SQUIDWARD: And you have pained me so the very VERY last time! Patrick is still confused. PATRICK: So…. if you want no pain… then you want no gain? Squidward angrily snaps Patrick’s small rock in half and screams again. SQUIDWARD: YOU ARE UNDER HOUSE ARREST!!! Squidward then marches out of Patrick’s rock grumbling. He slips on a banana peel and gets even more angered. PATRICK: House arrest?! The scene cuts to Squidward marching in front of Patrick’s rock while wearing a military hardhat. He is making sure that Patrick cannot escape his rock and cause him more pain. Patrick thinks to himself in his Kitchen. PATRICK: How am I gonna escape this? I need to go grocery shopping! And tend to my weeds!...... And my new plant given to me by my friend Mari that she named juana! Or are they combined? Patrick gets up and decides this. PATRICK: I must dig myself out! Patrick digs into his closet again. He eventually finds an iron shovel. PATRICK: Aha! Patrick begins digging himself out. He hits something. PATRICK: Freedom! The object doesn’t budge. PATRICK: Darn it! Why isn’t this thing budging?! Up above is Mr.Krabs who is super gluing & camouflaging his hardened black pot full of gold & other riches so nobody will find it. MR.KRABS: Take that bill collectors! Arrgh! Arrgh! Arrgh! Arrgh! Patrick returns to his house after having no luck. PATRICK: Phooey! After sitting on his chair, Patrick comes up with another idea. PATRICK: I have to get specific! Squidward sits on his lawn chair with a sun reflector to his face still guarding the rock and its prisoner. Patrick peeks out for a few seconds before throwing a food can across the street. Squidward sees the can and then recognizes it. SQUIDWARD: Canned Bread! Squidward walks across the street to inspect it. Patrick begins shuffling out. PATRICK: Home free! Patrick then loudly bumps into his mailbox having been looking at Squidward. PATRICK: Barnacles! Squidward notices Patrick & chases him with a rake to get him back into his rock prison. Squidward continues to guard. He begins getting hungry. SQUIDWARD: I’m so hungry! Squid then hears the tone of an ice cream truck. SQUIDWARD: Durrrrr…… Screw it! Squidward leaves his post since he cannot resist ice cream. Patrick had called his other friend, who is an ice cream truck driver. Pat begins running. Some kids are about to get their ice cream….. until Squidward walks up with a Jason mask and a chainsaw. He starts it. SQUIDWARD: Ooga Booga Booga! The kids run away screaming. Squidward ditches his scare equipment and pays in full. SQUIDWARD: Your finest blueberry! With sprinkles! Patrick then rushes up realizing that his friend is an ice cream truck driver. PATRICK: I’ll get the same! Only bigger! Patrick then drops his mouth and looks to see an angry Squidward looking at him while tapping his foot. Squidward finishes confining Patrick to his sand chair with rusty chains. SQUIDWARD: Your luck has just ran out! Squidward walks off while Patrick is on the brink of tears. Before he could give up, Patrick then gets an idea that he can use with his tears. Squidward continues to sunbathe (sunburn) outside. He then hears a sharp cry come from Patrick. SQUIDWARD: Ignore it Squidward…. ignore it. Squidward tries to shrug this off but the cries eventually begin to annoy him. He finally slams his sun reflector to the ground and stomps into the rock. SQUIDWARD: What are you babbling on about now you pathetic sociopath?! PATRICK: I soiled my pants! SQUIDWARD: So?! PATRICK: I need to change my trunks! SQUIDWARD: They’ll dry! PATRICK: And stink up my house! The aroma could also spread outside. And to your house! Squidward mumbles angrily and eventually unlocks Patrick’s chains. He stands up. SQUIDWARD: Make it snappy! PATRICK: For an idiot of my caliber, I will make this snappy! And I am an idiot mind you! Patrick sprays Squidward with his perfume he stole from his grandmother. SQUIDWARD: Aghh! Patrick runs out of his rock and sees the road to escape. PATRICK: Freedom! Patrick crosses the street. Squidward climbs out of the rock with his rake. SQUIDWARD: NOW YOU’RE DEAD! Squidward runs for Patrick. Both then hear the honk of a bus. SQUIDWARD: AAAAHAHHHHHHHHHHH!! Squidward is hit by the bus and sent flying to nowhere. The mushroom cloud of a nuclear explosion then sounds & appears far off in the distance. PATRICK: Sweet relief! Glad my rock is now finally free again! Including myself! Patrick’s rock then bursts into a tower of fire. He forgot to take the tequito out of the oven. PATRICK: Drat! The scene cuts to Patrick in nightwear walking up to somebody offscreen with a toothbrush and a tub of toothpaste in both hands. PATRICK: First, second or third moller Squidward? We’re going to be roomies for a while! Squidward is shown laying down in his bed with a cast and a mean look on his face. SQUIDWARD: Criminal! Category:SquidwardTentacles35